on the day you were born

On the day you were born, I woke up disappointed. Having seen your due date come and go, we were quickly approaching dates I didn't care for much. 11.22.11 was a date I had been eying - it was a palindrome and it matched the 22nd of February when your dad and I were married. I had spent as much of 11.21.11 as I could getting my body in gear for a 11.22.11 delivery. I left work early to get in another acupuncture session. I took a long walk around the neighborhood. But I felt nothing all night.

So I went to work that morning. But by this time, I was not only disappointed at not feeling any sign of labor but also a bit concerned that I actually hadn't felt you move all night. I called the midwives to see if I could have my appointment scheduled for the next day moved up to today just so I could hear your heart beat and be assured you were happy and safe. I spoke with the midwife Laura who advised that I should just go to the hospital and get a non-stress test and an ultrasound there just to be safe. I called your grandparents, Grammie and Papa, to let them know I was going to head down to Yale. Papa offered to come to keep me company - I was glad, as I was a little nervous.

And so I left work around 9:30 to go meet him. We got to the hospital around 11 and were hooked up right away and were delighted to hear your heart beating away. Debbie, another of the midwives, came in to visit us to make sure things were okay. After reviewing the non-stress test, she said that you were indeed completely healthy. She also said I was actually having some contractions two to three minutes apart but since they were mild, it was not a big deal. I could certainly feel the tightening but she was right, there was no strength or pain to them at all. She then checked me and said that I was 90% effaced now (but still 1.5 cm which I had been for the past couple weeks) and that I could be in early labor. However, since your dad wasn't around, she thought it best to send me home and see if things progressed or not.

And so Papa and I left and went to get lunch at the hospital cafeteria. At this point, I was feeling the contractions a bit more and while they were mild, they were slightly uncomfortable so I said to Papa that maybe I should stick around the area a little longer. He agreed that was a good idea and offered to keep me company. So we went to Fairfield to check out a few car dealerships for him and then slowly drove back to New Haven, stopping at several stores along the way. The contractions continued and I was feeling them more and more but I again was unsure whether this was early labor. I contemplated getting a room at a hotel a couple blocks from the hospital and Papa thought it was a good idea so I made a reservation around 1:30 pm. At around 3 pm, I called your dad and told him that I had reserved a hotel room just in case and that he might want to plan to come down to New Haven after he got out of work at 5 and stopped by the house to pick up a few things. He asked if he should leave work now and I told him no because I still was not sure this was the real thing.

I called him back a little before 4 pm and told him that maybe he should leave early if it was okay with everyone at his office and I told him we were heading to the hotel room.

When we got to the hotel at around 4:30 pm, the contractions started to get worse and I thought that I was in fact in early labor at this point. Papa hung out with me in the room and helped me get comfortable as the contractions continued. At 4:50, I lay in the bed when I heard a pop in my insides and a slow leak. My water had broken. I got up to go to the bathroom and Papa was in there. "Dad, my water broke." He opens the door and just stands there and then yells in excitement, "Mazel Tov!" I tell him to get out of the bathroom. My contractions continue. "Where is Jay?" I ask him. He's on his way he tells me. Several minutes later, "Where is Jay?" I ask again. He is five minutes away. Five more minutes pass, "Where is Jay?" Papa again says five minutes away. This is obviously labor now and I need his support.

Auntie Tara happens to be coming in to New Haven on the train around this time. Your dad finally gets to the hotel room and Papa leaves to go pick up Tara. He asks whether they should come back and hang out. I say no. I want to be left alone to labor. At around 5:20 pm, I tell your dad that it is time to call the midwives to let them know my status. Laura is on call - my favorite midwife, the one who I always hoped would deliver you. Daddy calls and the answering service says that she will call back within fifteen minutes. Fifteen minutes pass. During this time, I barf. And I just cannot relax during the contractions and I cannot get comfortable.

This disappoints me. You see, I had wanted to attempt a natural, drug-free childbirth. I had felt that everything about this pregnancy had been easy and natural and that it would make sense for you to come into the world naturally. I also knew that the chances of having a C section would be lower if we had a natural birth. So I invested in the Hypnobabies program and spent countless hours of the last several months listening to its numerous mp3's. Hypnobabies is a program designed to hypnotize you into being able to labor and deliver drug-free - convincing you that the pain is not so bad and teaching you to relax your way through each contraction. It is also the reason I switched from the convenient location of my original doctor's office right in West Hartford and Hartford to the midwife practice, in New Haven, affiliated with Yale. The midwives have a high rate of natural births and I felt that if I at least wanted to attempt one, I should go with a practice that was support of it it. They also have a very low C section rate - something like 7% - compared to the typical 30%. I was never very optimistic, however, that I would be able to do a natural birth because I have a low threshold for pain and had no idea how long I would have to endure the pain.

And so we waited for the call from Laura. But after 25 minutes pass and we receive no call, I tell your dad to call again. He does so and Laura calls right away. (Laura later tells us that the answering service had screwed up and never called and they were very apologetic.) Daddy describes my status to Laura, telling her I am in active labor and my contractions are averaging three minutes apart. She asks to speak to me. She starts asking me questions but I am going through a contraction and cannot answer - I can only answer in short words in a small voice. She asks if we want to head to the hospital. I say yes. She suggests that we head to the car in a half hour. I tell her I can't walk to the car. She says then why don't we go to the car now. (She later tells me that based on the quiet demeanor in which I was answering her questions, she didn't think it was time quite yet, until I told her I couldn't walk.) Laura asks if I want to try and get the room with the tub so I can labor in it, which is good when you are doing it drug-free. Yes, that would be good.

Once it was time to get going, I thought we could walk to the hospital but your dad says that Auntie Tara and Papa are still in the area and will be driving us over. This is good as I am having trouble walking. We head outside and it is tough because these contractions are really bothersome and coming often now. We make it to the car and I rest my head on Daddy's lap in the back seat but the contractions are a lot to deal with and keep coming and I cannot relax. Your dad tells me to keep breathing. Auntie Tara tells me I am doing a great job. Papa keeps driving - despite being only a couple blocks away, we get lost due to the one way streets and he slams on the brake and gas pedals to get us there as fast as possible and goes over bumpy roads and it is awful and I want him to slow down but I cannot say anything because I am dealing with these contractions. And we finally arrive at the hospital at around 6:30. There is a wheelchair outside and Daddy and Auntie Tara and I wheel up to the fourth floor and there is a room waiting for me. I am glad to see that we have the room with the labor tub, and there is an exercise ball there too - all the tools I need to get through labor and do this naturally. But in the car ride over there, I decide that I am really not sure whether I would be able to handle a natural birth as I didn't know how much worse it was going to get and that I would have to talk to Laura about this.

A minute or two after we get to the room, Laura is there by my side. After a bad contraction subsides, she checks me. I hear her say zero station and am disappointed that you are not any farther down. But then she informs me that I am fully dilated. I am puzzled. She tells me it is time to push. I ask, but what about transition? She says I am through it. And as we discuss this, I realize the contractions have subsided, they are farther apart now. I tell her I am afraid to push. I ask what about drugs. She says I don't need them - the hard part is over. I am so shocked that I was able to get through it without any drugs and that we are at the pushing phase already.

And so we start the pushing. It is scary. I had spent all of my time thinking about getting myself through the contractions and transition that I hadn't even thought about pushing. It is painful but not unbearable. It is very tiring. And rather scary still.

After a few pushes, I ask Laura if you will come today. She smiles and says yes, you will come within the hour. I tell her that would be great as I wanted this to be your birthday. She says that it most definitely will be.

And so we continue the pushing. Your dad is on my left and a nurse is on my right and they help me hold up my legs and Laura is down at the foot of the bed and everyone tells me to keep pushing and they all can tell when we have a good push and there is progress and they encourage me to keep on pushing. Laura says that you have a lot of hair and that Daddy can look and see. He confirms it.

We push and push and you slip out and into the world at 7:37 pm. Another palindrome.

You are placed on my belly. You do have a lot of hair. Dark hair. You are beautiful. And you are definitely your dad's daughter.

We spend some time getting to know each other. Two hours later, you are placed in a wheeling bassinet and I in a wheelchair and we are wheeled out past the lobby where Papa and Grammie and Auntie Tara await. We all go up to the 11th floor to our room. You are weighed and measured. They say you are 8 lbs 1 oz and 20 inches long. (The hospital later tells us the nurses had converted from grams to ounces incorrectly and you were actually 8 lbs 2 oz. And your pediatrician measures you 21 inches long at your first appointment a couple days later.)

We tell everyone your name. Lena Willow 慧君 (Wei-Jun) Leung. Lena is after your paternal great-grandmother - the mother of your dad's mom, your grandma, Nai Nai. It is also a name in Grammie's family as well. Willow is after your great-grandfather, Papa's father, William (who was my Papa). And 慧君 (Wei-Jun) is your Chinese name, given to you by Nai Nai. It means bright/intelligent empress/lady.

We are so blessed to have you here. I could not have asked for a better labor and delivery and am just in awe that you are here and belong to us. Welcome, little Lena!